Cell phones and curse words.

Dude, I know it’s 2018 and your phone is your life.  I get it.  But do you really need to listen to your sister tell you what she ate for lunch while checking out at a register?  Is it possible to interact with the human being in front of you for a hot second?  Get off your phone!  It’s so fucking rude!  Honestly, I don’t even know why you need to be on your phone at all while you’re in a store unless someone is actually describing what you need to buy to you.  There is nothing going on in your life that can’t wait until you get out of the freaking store.

I was in a clothes store in the mall not too long ago and I had just done some returns so I was browsing around to see if I wanted to grab anything else.  I walked into this small section of the store and there were 5 people, no joke, all staring at their phones.  What are you doing?!  You’re in a store, don’t just stand in front of shit and text people! Shop!  Or get the fuck out!  Haha, I’m sorry, I just can’t.

There is a deli by my work that has a sign on the counter that reads, “If you are on your cell phone we will move on to the next customer.”  I freaking LOVE it.  I wish that sign could be hung in every establishment where you need to interact with a person to get what you came in for.  Do you know how fun it is to read hand, mouth and eye signals trying to help someone at a customer service desk because they don’t want to stop the conversation they’re having?  And it’s never, “Oh, you’re going into cardiac arrest right now and I need to stop what I’m doing and get the hell out of here?”  It’s always mundane shit like, “And then what did she say? And then what did you say? Oh my god.”  “Well what do you want for dinner? No, we had Chinese two days ago.”  “I can’t believe she paid that much for a couch. It’s not even a nice couch.”  GET OFF YOUR FUCKING PHONE FOR TWO GODDAMN MINUTES YOU RUDE ASS BITCH!  Imma breathe now, lol.

Let me help you:

  1. Hop in your vehicle.
  2. Pop in a Bluetooth.
  3. Chat it up on your way to the store, bank, deli, what have you.
  4. Pull into the parking lot of the establishment.
  5. Park.
  6. Tell the person you’re talking to that you have to go.
  7. Enter the establishment and do your thing.
  8. For shits and giggles, make eye contact and be pleasant to all you encounter.
  9. Leave.
  10. Hop back into your vehicle.
  11. Pop your Bluetooth back in.
  12. Call whoever the hell you want.

You’re welcome.

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